i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
