Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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