I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
