Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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