you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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