That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
