oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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