my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
