Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
