I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
