guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
