The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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