my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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