I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
