he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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