I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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