In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
