Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
