Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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