I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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