It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
