just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
