ugly people sure do ruin things
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
