i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
