One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
