I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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