so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize