Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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