the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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