the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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