I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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