I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize