You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
