she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
