the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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