Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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