just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
