She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
