If i come over, it means nothing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
