Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
