Midget sex pt 2 tonight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
