I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
too bad you live with your parents still
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
