I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
