I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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