So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
