Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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