one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
