Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
