could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
