the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
