none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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