sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
