thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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