I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize