I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
