i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
