dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
