We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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