I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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