Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
