his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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