smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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