I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
