i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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