I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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