Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
