i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
