she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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