At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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