Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
