I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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