So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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