i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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