my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize