the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
