You made me cry and you don't even care
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
