I forgot how hot balto sounded
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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