My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
