Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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