You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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