Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
