she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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