This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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